Thursday, June 15, 2006

Sometimes Butterfly

"Here I am and I want to take a hit
Of your scent coz it bit
So deep into my soul.
I want you."

Third Eye Blind ~ I Want You


Even after we argue I come away knowing that I love him. While we’re arguing, and while he’s being callous, I wonder if I have done the right thing, being here. Leaving a former life behind.

But after things are patched up, all I feel is the love blossoming deep within.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m lucky. If I’m more lucky than I know, to have someone who I know loves me. So many people go about their lives looking for someone. And here I am, lucky on practically the first go.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m here because it’s easy. If I’m trying to compensate. If it’s because he’s the first one who’s been really serious, and he’s considered fairly acceptable. And then, here I am just cruising along. Is it ‘real’ love? I don’t know.

But then again, do we ever know? Am I about to throw it all away just because I’m not sure? I don’t know.

We went and saw ‘wah-wah’ last night. I loved it. Portrayed how quirky life can be to a T. Seemed to say to me this is what life is all about. The ups and downs, the happness and sad moments, the tears and the laughter.

And then I wonder why can’t my life be like that? Or perhaps it already is. Perhaps when I look back, I’ll feel that same sort of nostalgia, and I won’t remember any of this uhhming and ahhing. Who knows.

I didn’t get my communications job, and I’m pretty sure I failed my exam for the other job I wanted.

We’re moving out of the city in July. Goodbye urban lifestyle. Hello again to 1 hour train rides. *sigh*

Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

Sometimes.

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