Friday, March 17, 2006

Rousing Butterfly

The morning chill today made me want to embrace the world. It reminded me of happier times. When my boyfriend and I first started going out, and each day unfolds to exciting prospects. Every moment, you sit there on edge, wondering what will happen next, your heart pounds and wonders how he will try and melt it today. The chill reminds me of times when family was still accepting, and I could embrace both worlds, one foot on each side, before the cracks started and I had to choose which side of the rupture I was going to land on.

Either way, Autumn is here. And I'm going to welcome it with both arms open and striding forward.

I'm feeling good today. I bought some ear plugs on the weekend, and have started sleeping soundly, the first time in over six months. It's amazing how much you can adjust to without realising or being aware that things aren't as good as they could/should be.

The bedroom's at the front of the house. So cars, planes, and drunk pedestrians are a constant distraction in the middle of the night. Not anymore. With my trusty earplugs, it's all over.

Blessed silence.

Or as garbage touts, "Silence is Golden."

Have been slowly attempting to open my social circle. Joined a photography club a few weeks ago. Attended my first 'competition'. They do monthly competitions. One of my photos got an 'acceptance'. Not a merit or credit, but hey, an acceptance is better than no prize at all.

Among the comments were: "it looks like a painting." "It’s a piece of modern art." "You are an imaginative photographer." "You don't just take a photo of anything, you give it a bit of thought."

The last comment seems to me more of a diplomatic answer with no real substance. Something you say to a person when you're struggling for a compliment, and just want to point out certain things in order to fill in the gaps. Like the word, "interesting." very diplomatically sound.

But I don't care. I'll take any compliment I can get thank you.

So with the photography highs and the gradual accumulation of sleep and sound and vivid dreams, my attitude towards life is a lot brighter. That's not to say I don't continue to go through my bouts of grumpiness and irritability, but at least my general demeanour has brightened. I guess I just feel more awake.

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