Marathon Butterfly
Grey dawn filtered through the cedar blinds. Every once in a while the noisy sound of a car or bus zoomed by. Slowly her eyes opened, and rolling over, she happily discovered he was still there. He had stayed the night. Looking up, she watched as his eyes opened to look at her sleepily. She smiled.He rolled over to face her and she happily snuggled in. This was heaven.
~ * ~
I’ve been looking back through the last few posts I’ve made. All I seem to be doing lately is talking about money.
I went to see Syriana last night. Came away with mixed feelings. There were parts of it that made me think and appreciate. But the whole movie in general seemed a bit hotchpodged. Not like capote, which felt like a whole film. Syriana was basically a story about a large canvass with lots of different players, whereas capote followed one person.
I don’t know. Mixed feelings is the best I can come up with for that movie.
This week is a little better money wise, but only because we chose not to pay off some of our credit card.
The sky’s a bit grey today, and I think it matches my mood. I think subconsciously I’m still dealing with the implications of my letter to mum. While I went out and had a nice dinner (African) and a movie, followed by a divine dessert cake with a side of ice cream, mum was probably bemoaning the loss of her daughter, security and finances, while my brother miserably looked on.
Boyfriend’s in a foul mood over his broken wrist. I don’t blame him. It stops him from sleeping. It stops him doing normal things like zip up his own pants, or iron his own shirt.
Co-worker leaving for a journalism job. I bought a mango-coconut cake from my favourite cake shop and lugged the heavy thing back in wretched humidity.
I ate well last night. Sometimes I wish my diet and life weren’t so tenuous.
As I was hugging him this morning, I felt a little removed. It’s strange that this is my life now. It all seems like such a dream. It’s like I’m just going through the motions. Whereas, when I was at home, it was like I was floating in a bubble. Home was like the womb – and I was floating in my own little sac of ambiotic fluid. That sounds weird, doesn’t it?
Whereas now I’m out in the big wide world, I kind’ve feel a bit like, is this all there is? Is this really happening?
I guess I’ve got the grass is always greener syndrome. I know that I’d miss him terribly if I left. I am a lot luckier than some. And I know that. I’ve got a work colleague right now he’s going through the same misery I was going through a year ago.
It’s actually hard to imagine that it’s been close to 2 years since I first met the guy. And things that meant so much to me, no longer matter so much. Sometimes I find myself thinking about him. But I think I got over him by having my current boyfriend, who effectively swept me off my feet.
Except that sometimes I wonder if I’m just in this for the sprint, and not the marathon.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 11:27 am
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