Current Butterfly
Another year.I guess it means I should pause and reflect.
This time last year I was reading a blog about a girl who had just moved out of home, and her relationship with her mother was in tatters as a result.
I never imagined that in a year's time, I would be writing the exact same thing.
I went to a New Year's Eve party last night and was asked what was the most biggest thing that happened to me this year. Without a doubt it would be my boyfriend. Because of him I moved out. Because of him my relationship with my family has essentially deteriorated. Because of him I'm doing laundry in 40 degree heat while he's fast asleep on the couch. =P
I no longer feel resentful about it all anymore. The road has been too long in getting to here. And there's no point turning back. Sometimes I'm still scared, wondering if I've done the right thing, being with him. If I'm back pedalling again, or just treading water. It's comfortable, it's pleasant, and there are moments of happiness when I feel loved, cherished and cared for. I don't know if this is true love but I'm here, so I should make the most of what I've got.
He tells me that he's the lucky one and that he knows he's lucky to have me. Maybe I'm just too young to know what this is, and maybe I can't really appreciate this on a deep level, but I'm here now, and as my friend said to me the other day, I really have to make the most of what I've got. Everyone keeps on telling me you only get to be this age once. So am I throwing it away by being with him, and not being able to play the field? I don' know. But I'd be stupid to throw this out in order to find out.
I never imagined my life would turn out this way, and I know the cliche in that statement.
Anything more than that, I can't really say.
All I know is that I'm here now.
And I guess that's all that matters.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 12:51 pm
1 Comments:
i guess we would all make real bad fortunetellers, as none of us would have predicted how life would turn out at this point in time.
when i look back and see all the events that have shaped what i am today, i too am in awe at all that had happened. but given a chance to go back in time, i really think i would done every thing the same way i did.
so it's pretty much as you have said it, all that matters is here and now. life is no bed of roses but that's what makes it so interesting in the first place.
have a happy 2006!
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