Living Butterfly
I haven't updated lately - just don't feel up to it. Been trying to organise my thoughts and feelings.I saw my dad this weekend. it was the first time i'd seen him or had a conversation with him in two years.
I've been spending the last two days mulled over in thought.
The mother daughter relationship is continuing to deteriorate.
I'm still all mixed up, and dad's return into my life has thrown me for a spare. A little anyway. I have enough on my mind I think, without having to continually write it out. I'm happy just mulling over everything right now. writing things out just seems to confirm things rather than put them into perspective. or maybe i'm just not willing to cement anything right now.
the world seems a little clearer, a little less muddy than before. i'm just hoping that my mother will come around one day.
Dad told me that she's always been like this. always had a foul temper, a harranging and petty nature. Makes me wonder how i got my personality. according to my boyfriend, i don't have much of a temper. I just sulk.
Do we really take after our parents, or are we all our own individuals, despite the nurturing theory that we are defined by our environment?
Meanwhile, the Organisation of My Life is still going on. Skip this bit if you don't want to hear about the mundaness of sorting out my life. I think 'stream of consciousness' is the best description for the below paragraphs.
I applied for, received, and then promptly cancelled my private health care insurance.
Am in the process of sorting out my mobile phone payments. dumb optus with their dumb prepaid, with their dumb estimates of activation time.
My taxes are done, and with the return i'll be able to clear out the credit card debt. no thanks to boyfriend. But, whatever. I'm just grateful that i have enough money to do that. in fact, i'm grateful for any money that comes in right now.
Life is tight.
I'm still waiting to see if my application for a credit card gets approved. and if it does, then i'll be able to get internet access at home.
If i stick to a strict regime abt my budget, i think i'll be able to survive. With approximately 10 dollars spending money each month. wait, hold that thought. I forgot about rent. fuck. I've overdrawn again. once this mobile gets fixed, maybe i can deduct my rent from there.
dammit. I just realised i forgot transport as well. i knew that it was too good to be true. 10 dollars spending money - yeh right.
Boyfriend is suggesting we ride bikes to work. to cancel out transport fees. i'll think about it. not really thrilled though.
We shall see, since dad's getting us bikes.
And maybe i can reduce the food and grocery bill - since i'm not buying all meals.
That'd probably give me an extra hundred a month or so. i tell you, money was never my strong point. i just spend all that was in my wallet, and then went and got some more. it's different now.
Hmm.. i just recalculated . Take out a little with food, exclude transport, and i'm back under the income threshold - by seven dollars.
*sigh*
I need a second job. anyone?
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 12:17 pm
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