Undoing Butterfly
Christopher Columbus said the earth was round. Galileo was sure that it went round the Sun. Both got into a lot of trouble though, for saying as much. You don't always have an easy time if you are ahead of your time. You are now seeing further than most of the people around you. They can't envisage what you can envisage. There are a lot more of them than there are of you and they are very vocal. So should you give up and shut up? Not if you trust yourself. Say what you need to say. Ask what you need to ask. And please, don't worry.Easy for you to say buster, you're just the astrologer.
Mum hates me. She calls my life up to this point a tragedy. My boyfriend thinks she doesn't love me. Mum hates that she loves me so much.
I hate that all I seem to want to do is please people.
In the words of Sarah McLachlan:
"I get confused and I come all undone"
or something like that anyway. I've been listening to Afterglow all day, and the songs all just keep swirling around in my head. I haven't been sleeping lately, and I went back to that trick of listening to music until I fall asleep. And yeh - I picked Afterglow last night.
Maybe you can help me stop worrying so much. Tell me - what is your belief/opinion on a couple living together that isn't married? Is there in fact a difference? I mean, whether you're de factor or married, you still have to do the same things - make breakfast, cook, clean, pay bills. You're still 'living together'. Save for that scrap of paper and the wedding - does anything in fact change?
Mum's arguing that I've already gotten married effectively. I've been walking in a daze ever since she said that. Why does everything always seem to creep up on me? Why does it feel like I'm constantly in denial? Why do I feel like I'm using my boyfriend as a means to escape?
It's late. I'm going to bed.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 1:27 am
2 Comments:
Hi,
There's just really no way to please everyone in this world.
Sometimes we even question, "Is it even worth it?"
We just need to live life to the fullest... our own way =)
It's just all so difficult. One is my mother, the other is my boyfriend, and both are just as important to me.
At the same time, the best compromise would be just to do what *I* want. Except that I don't know what I want.
I've been reading a book about why women lie to each other, to themselves, etc. It makes for interesting reading. It also seems to imply that I can solve this problem.
Maybe I really do need some professional help - like a psychotherapist to sort out all these emotional landmines that I seem to harbour within.
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