Depressing Butterfly
Symptoms of Depression- You feel miserable and sad.
- You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy .
- You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible.
- You seldom enjoy the things that you used to enjoy-you may be off sex or food or may 'comfort eat' to excess.
- You feel very anxious sometimes.
- You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel hard or impossible.
- You find it difficult to think clearly.
- You feel like a failure and/or feel guilty a lot of the time.
- You feel a burden to others.
- You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living.
- You can see no future. There is a loss of hope. You feel all you've ever done is make mistakes and that's all that you ever will do.
- You feel irritable or angry more than usual.
- You feel you have no confidence.
- You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them).
- You feel that life is unfair.
- You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep again. You seem to dream all night long and sometimes have disturbing dreams.
- You feel that life has/is 'passing you by.'
- You may have physical aches and pains which appear to have no physical cause, such as back pain
So I went to see a counsellor on Friday. She suggested among other things that perhaps I should take some anti-depressants. My boyfriend is totally against it.
I'm trying to decide if I want/need to go back and see her.
Mum's got a back problem, and has toned down on the shouting. At least she had for the last few days I was home. Why is it, that all the time I spend with my boyfriend goes so fast? When the same amount of time spent at home goes so slowly? Einsten was right - time is relative.
Am kind've at a loss to explain myself. Right now just waiting for mum to get home so we can go out to dinner. Don't really know what to expect. Constantly feel like I'm on tenterhooks whenever I'm at home.
At least at my boyfriend's, I can relax.
I need a back massage.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 5:31 pm
2 Comments:
Hi Butterfly,
Can see that you're pretty stressed out by the tensions of your family ties (esp your mum), but glad you're doing something about it.
We cannot to underestimate what depression might do to us (esp when it can disrupt our way of life) and many times we do need the help from others to get back on track with life.
So don't be afraid to seek help from your friends -- boyfriend, college friends & even your online friends like me =)
Hi Zan,
Thanks for the supportive comment.
The counsellor said a lot of things. But essentially what it boiled down to depended on what I really wanted.
Writing my problems out day-to-day is entirely different to trying to explain to someone what your problems are.
I never realised how complex and all over the shop I was until I tried talking to this lady last Friday.
There are a lot of things plaguing my mind. And while the sleepless nights has reduced, my feelings of guilt, remorse and belief that this isn't going to get anny better seem to haunt me through the days.
Nonetheless, I am trying to deal with it all.
Funny thing the counsellor said to me. She said anyone in my situation would be understandably anxious. To her understanding it seemed like I was being pulled on each end. By my mother, by my boyfriend, by work and all its inner politics. I seemed to be torn. And she was amazed that I was still able to function properly.
So I count that as a blessing.
Thanks again for dropping by and dropping a few words of support. As always, deeply appreciated.
Hope you have a good week!
~Enigmatic Butterfly
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