Running Butterfly
I know I'm not supposed to run. That I should stand and fight. That I should clear the air and make everything right. Because everything is in my power to change. But I can't do it.If anything, all I feel is confused. A little leaf drifting in a sea of confusion.
She's shredding all my emails. A year's worth of emails that I wrote to her when I was overseas. Her rationale? "There's no point trying to hold onto things that can't be held onto." Or something like that.
And it hurt to watch her do it. To shred all the things that I wrote to her five years ago. It felt like she's trying to shred me. To take me out of her life. It hurt. It's like she was erasing me from her life.
And again, all I wanted to do was leave. Sure, it may be the right thing for her to do. But she did it with such coldness. No crying. No emotion. Just coldness. Perhaps she's upset, but did she really have to do that in front of me? Did I have to see it? All it seemed to do was reemphasize to me that I needed to go. I don't want to be there and see how I'm affecting her. All I wanted to do was live my own life. Was it that hard to do? Was it that difficult?
She once told me that no matter what she loved me. She will always love me. And while I try and remember that, every time I think about how she was shredding all that correspondance..
The fact that she'd kept those letters for five years... And suddenly there she was shredding. She told me she'd been doing it for three days. And the pile just didn't seem to be going down any.
It just hurts....
Was I supposed to stop her? To take the papers away from her? To keep them to myself? What was the point? She obviously wanted to do it. And if that's the case, then why should I stop her?
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 12:24 pm
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