Mellow Butterfly
Financially, you are heading for a period of solvency, if not prosperity. Emotionally, you are already starting to feel less anxious. Soon, you'll lose that edge of nervousness which has lately been cramping your style. Physically and psychologically, you are gaining strength. There may still be many issues to deal with, but they will all prove easier once you are feeling confident. Focus on doing more of what makes you feel good. After a taste of that, you'll rapidly sort out whatever you are not so enthused about.
That's a nice upbeat way to start the day. Not to mention fairly accurate. At least, describing the state I'm in lately. I came in late to work this morning. My train stopped three times on the way to the city. By the time I arrived, I decided if I was going to be late, and had informed my boss so, I may as well make the most of it, and just take my time mosying to work.
Stopped to buy a hot chocolate with cinnamon, and slowly ambled my way to work. Made me feel a little better about myself.
Had a half talk with mum last night. I commented that I had gone home early to have dinner with the family but they had eaten without me. She started off very bitter, 'I thought you liked me leaving food for you. I'm the one who would love to have everyone at dinner (i.e. not us)'. She started thawing by the end of the evening, and this morning told me that if I was coming home, she'd wait.
As much as I love the thawing, suddenly I feel a little trapped again. Typical. I get all my freedom and I resent the way it's handed to me. So I try to make a bridge to keep her a little happy and suddenly I feel trapped again and wish I was back in the previous state.
Talk about the grass being greener on the other side. This is absolutely ridiculous you know.
The best thing last night though was when I went to pick my brother up from school. He'd had some late evening function. As I was driving, he asked me how it was like living at the boyfriend's. i.e. Was it uncomfortable, etc. It made me love him so much more. This is the type of response I want from family. I'm just waiting for someone to give me an opening like that. And I will burst out and start talking. But mum is all, 'if you want to tell me, then tell me.' I don't think she understands the rules of subtlety.
So I'm going home tonight for dinner. I have a check up at the doctor's this afternoon, and I need to get around to buying those film festival tickets. I *need* to see this movie. Even if it comes out in the cinemas lately, I want to go see this...
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 9:38 am
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