Cherishing Butterfly
I was mentally composing a blog on the train this morning, but I fell asleep in the process, and when I woke up, it had all fled.So tomorrow's my birthday. I turn 23. And I had a discussion with mum last night, and I explained to her my outlook and viewpoint on life, love and relationships in general. Perhaps there is a bridge that we can both walk upon.
So the ex msged me last night. Wanted to catch up and all that. He told me that he was still madly in love with me and that he'd been suffering for four months over all of this.
Well, I softened enough to agree to meet him if he wanted to, but I also pointed out to him that I was already in a relationship with someone who loved and adored me and treated me right.
Either way, haven't heard back from him since - which is probably a good thing.
So I've had a think about it, and it may well turn out that I won't go to Japan after all. Instead maybe the bf and I will go down to New Zealand and partake in some skiing. I've never seen the snow before, so this will be pretty much be one of the most exciting things - ever.
And after my talk with mum last night, I know that I can rest assured in doing whatever I want to do now, and she will support me.
I wonder if that means I'm not adult. I don't know.
All I know is that I'm deleriously in love and happy. But I still hear echoes of his words from the weekend, and the few months past about me being an adult, and how he would leave if I didn't shape up.
I'm honestly scared right now, that the minute I start to properly settle into this relationship, he will get up and go. How will I deal with that? If he leaves, I'll be totally devastated. And while I trust him with my life, I'm scared right now that he's not here to stay. There's been too much turmoil in between, and it's shaken me up quite a lot. Being threatened on a moderately regular basis does crazy things to your faith in a relationship's constitution.
I hope he's for real, and I hope that his feelings won't change. I hope that he loves me and is genuine about it all, and I hope that it doesn't all turn around a month or two down the track and fall apart. I don't think I can handle that. I hope that smooth sailing doesn't equate to boring, and I hope that he will appreciate and cherish the good times to come.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 2:11 pm
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