Answering Butterfly
On the eve of my 23rd birthday, I capitulated and unblocked my ex one last time, and had a msn chat with him. The most revealing thing I came away with, was that frankly, I don't care.He sat there and told me how much he hurt, what he's been up to lately, and how he religiously listens to Sarah Mclachlan, and how every time he does, he thinks of me. He's constantly reminded of the good times we had, and how it hurt him deeply that he stuffed up. And again, I don't care.
I honestly don't.
He no longer registers on my radar. And while it was my choice to talk to him that night, it was him that started shaking the minute I came online.
I honestly no longer care what he does with his life.
I think I honestly have well and truly moved on. Because whereas once, doing things for him was par for the course, and I cared about everything that he was involved in, these days, I could not give a damn. It was like I mentally brushed it over and went, 'yeh, whatever.' My hand probably involuntarily did the whole brush off move as well sometime throughout the conversation.
I'm glad I finally got to the stage where I no longer care. Although I admit it was a place I never expected to arrive at, and was met mainly with surprise. The way realisations are always met with.
On a different note, as time goes by, I realise that I have begun to appreciate my boyfriend more and more. Considering everything that's been happening lately, Sarah's Answer seems to say all I need to say today. My favourite line in that song is:
"Cast me gently, into morning, for the night has been unkind." The words, the melody, her voice... it's one of my favourites from her afterglow album.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down
If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
A place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Sarah Mclachlan ~ Answer
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 11:46 am
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