Friday, April 22, 2005

Winning Butterfly

"Mighty oaks may grow from tiny acorns, but giant problems can sometimes develop rom little whims and fancies. What seeds are you sowing this weekend? Consider the long-term consequences of a tempting course of action. Remember, too, that you've already made an investment that now needs time to pay-off. In meeting a short-term need, you must be sure that you are not compromising long-term strategy. A moment's thought will soon show you what's safe"

Great, so does that mean it'll be a good or bad week for my annual leave? I graduate next Friday, and mum hates me right now. Well, maybe not hate. But definately unhappy. She's essentially leaving me to my own devices. Which is both a good and bad thing. A blessing in disguise as well as just plain ol' hell for me.

Gonna have to be brave sometime huh?

I'm just tired.

Going out tonight and spending the day with him tomorrow. Just going to enjoy this while it lasts. Everything else can wait. If this is my short term payoff that compromises the long-term strategy, so be it. I'm tired of second-guessing. I don't know what to do anymore.

Different people tell me different things. If I sit there and get all morose about stuff all it does is make me unhappy. I speak to other people who tell me that it is essentially 'her choice' to be upset. I am not responsible for her happiness. The only person that I can win with when it comes to happiness, etc, is me. No one else.

So if I take this advice, all that needs to happen is for me to be happy. Because deep down we all know that mothers just want their children to be happy. Yet there is also an unspoken rule that you should keep your mothers happy, if only because they were responsible for creating the type of person you are today.

So where is the happy balance? To be frank, I don't see one.

All I see is me either doing things her way and suffering from other people pointing out that my mother rules my life; or doing it my way, whereby I'm happy and so is he, but she is not. It just seems that I can't win.

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