Afraid Butterfly
Would this say everything that you want to say to me?She said, "I've got to be honest,
You're wasting your time if you're fishin' around here."
And I said, "You must be mistaken,
I'm not foolin', this feelin' is real."
She said, "You've gotta be crazy!
What do you take me for?
Some kinda of easy mark?"
"No, you've got wits,
You've got looks,
You've got passion,
But i swear that you've got me all wrong."
All wrong
All wrong
But you've got me
I'll be true,
I'll be useful,
I'll be cavalier,
I'll be yours my dear
I'll belong to you
If you just let me through
This is easy as lovers go.
So dont complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailor-made,
What's the sense in waiting?
I said, "I've got to be honest,
I've been waiting for you all of my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane.
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.
"You've got wits,
You've got looks,
You've got passion,
But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"
Tonight
Tonight
You've got me
I'll be true,
I'll be useful,
I'll be cavalier,
I'll be yours my dear
I'll belong to you
If you just let me through
This is easy as lovers go.
So dont complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?
This is easy as lovers go.
So dont complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?
This is easy as lovers go.
So dont complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?
Dashboard Confessional ~ As Lovers Go
~*~*~*~
We argued yesterday and you let me know something that has absolutely floored me.
"For example, are you saying that if I asked you to marry me anytime in the next three years, you would say no?"
We've only been together for a month.
And the more I think about it, suddenly it feels like my world is caving in on me. Three years to move out of home and live my life the way I choose. Three years to make up to family all the hurt and pain I caused by my insensitive words. Three years to live out all my dreams and plans before things come to a head.
Yes marriage is the next logical step to dating, but I had just thought that you wanted me to move out of home so that we could spend more time together. I didn't realise that moving out or with you would be so major.
I talked to one of my good friends last night and discovered that everything my mother had said to me was in fact very valid and true. Because my friend pretty much reiterated everything that mum had said.
I never planned to get married anytime soon. I didn't want a machete hanging over my head like this. I don't want to be bound to you any more than I already am. And I am already defending you. More so than I should be after a month of dating you.
What happens to all my life and dreams and hopes and expectations? Am I really supposed to settle on you? And if so, do I really, and I mean, really see myself settling down with you?
Maybe I don't know you as well as I should. We bridged some divides that perhaps we shouldn't have. We've jumped the gun on certain things and forgotten about others.
I don't dare say to you I love you now. The words just have too much meaning to them. I always knew you were serious, but the reason I made such a big fuss was because I had thought you'd just wanted to spend more time with me - i.e. me move out.
I am so emotionally confused. My friend commented last night that it seemed like I was drowning. Maybe I am drowning. Drowning in a sea of confusion with nary a life jacket or life boat in sight.
Can I make all of this more light-hearted? Can I just enjoy my time for now? Or are we still as before? You were right the other night, this is way too early to say anything. That I am everything you want.
And yesterday, "I'm no longer tempting you. I want you."
Crap it all to hell.
What happened to just letting things go and enjoying the time that we have? My fault I think. But still...
Everyone's freaking out, myself included. I think I might need some time and space on my own to clear my head. I need some independence back. I might just ask for some space later on in the week. And see if I'll miss you or not.
We're going down to the art gallery today. And it's a beautiful day. I guess I should just make the most of it, and leave it at that.
"For example, are you saying that if I asked you to marry me sometime in the next three years, you would say no?"
I am so shaken and floored. But then again, what on earth was I supposed to expect huh? A 34 year old man, dating a 22 year old. Our expectations in life are obviously going to be different, our perspectives, never the exact same, no matter how well we get along.
Deep down, this isn't going to work, you know that, don't you? It's just a matter of coming to terms with it. I still have my entire life to live. He's already lived his. So maybe it's just time to let things go a little and enjoy whatever it is that we can have for now, and let it go at that.
Would it be irrational to feel suddenly like pushing him away? Because I can feel it. My heart suddenly wants out.
My friend said to me last night: if you feel any doubt, any doubt at all, bail. Because you don't want to waste his time or yours.
Maybe I just need some space.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 9:51 am
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