Sliding Butterfly
Never have I noticed how lost I am until things like today happen. I seem to notice lately that after everything happens I constantly want to sit down and try and take it all apart. And I'm so lost and confused in the process.Where in fact, do we stand? Where exactly are we headed? What exactly is it that we are doing? How far have we gone? How far have we crossed the line? Have we in fact obliterated that line?
he came out to see me for lunch today. I ended up spending around 2-3 hours with him (I have flexible lunch hours - thank goodness). One hour was spent the eating, the other 1 1/2 was spent cuddling. I asked him at one stage whether he had missed me. Perhaps not the best way to ask. Perhaps there should have been a more insiduous or insinuative way. But ....
yeh.
I give up.
Maybe I'll ask next time I see him.
He admitted that the messages on Monday night were made out of simple hope that I would msg him.
Right now, it's like every time I want to analyse, all I get is blank. It's like my mind hits a blank white wall and slides right down it. Nothing registers. And I try desperately to hold on, to find a little nook or cranny for my fingers to take hold and hang on so I can examine the situation. But I can't anymore...
Is that good or bad?
i just realised i should also have asked if he was glad that he had come in to see me.
damn.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 3:43 pm
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