Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Clueless Butterfly

A little lost and confused tonight. Would really like some advice. We all went out to drinks tonight. And of course, some dinner.

I've been flirting with you subtly all day trying to see if you'll bite. And sometimes I think you are interested. But then at the pub tonight, you seemed a bit withdrawn. I'm not sure if it was the company, after all you don't know everyone, or if you've realised/caught onto what I'm trying to suss out from you, and you're trying to tell me subtly what's going on.

I kinda asked and you kinda offered to drive me into work tomorrow, since we're both doing overtime on this report. I'm having bets that you'll cancel on me tomorrow morning because you'll stay out all night.

Again, you make the joke about driving you home - except this time round you use my mum as the driver. 'think your mum could drive me home?' Which tells me that you're just joking around. There's no underlying subliminal text I should keep my eyes peeled for.

Yet when you joke to me yesterday about how I told you I wanted to be an ambassador, and you're on your 'deep down i'm just a little girl routine' followed later by, 'wife to an ambassador' yeh.... I can't help but look at you askance.

And then there's still that thing that you said last time about wanting to talk to my brother about girls and manly stuff like that. Why do you want to have an influence on my life? Or are you just mucking around?

We know that you know that I know that you are a gentleman. You were well brought up.

And I know I chickened out on buying you a drink, even though I said I would. I'll make it up to you some other way. There was just no way I could do it subtly, and I wasn't planning to shout everyone, although perhaps I should have. But you spent most of the night doing drinks anyway. *shrug* Like I said, I'll make it up to you somehow.

Is it the age? Is it the fact that we work together? Is it that I'm just not your type? Even though you acknowledged that I was gorgeous, even if only because there was no other way out of the trap that I set up for you?

We go outside of work and you still talk work with me. Even though you've already had quite a few beers under your belt. More than a few, in fact. Are you scared of me? Do you think that I would never be interested in you? Do you think that I'm beyond your league? (highly unlikely). Or is it again that the age thing, coupled with assumptions, and the whole work situation, makes you cancel out everything? Is it the fact that perhaps I'm too tied down to my family that you dislike the most?

..or maybe you really just aren't interested. And you just joke around because guys do things like that. Or maybe you're just really polite, the gentleman that you were that Saturday night, and that's it.

I'm just so confused over you. Your signals from what I've tried to flush out are all over the place. *shakes head*

so lost...

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