Bothered Butterfly
For once I will not analyse and rehash with him over what happened today. I will not.If I want this to work, I have to leave this alone.
So I'll just rehash and analyse my little heart out here.
I was good, the last two days. Not the happiest, but I was ok.
Today looked like he was ready to accept me again.
*sigh*
All that I really need to do, is not be upset when he leaves the net tonight. And I have to be able to stay away from the net, or at least communication with him, for the next few days. Absence. Absence. Absence makes the heart go fonder. Or at the very least makes him miss me more. Or at the very least, gives him some time to think about this. Gives him the illusion that I'm allowing him space to be himself.
The forecast for the coming year is good. Something about making friends and starting romances. Good for the personal front. Maybe it's just good, coz it's stuff that I want to hear. *shrug*
On the 1st of January every year, everyone tries to make new year resolutions. I usually don't make that many. Last year's was to simply do well in Honours. Which I did. This year, I guess it would probably be something along the lines of getting that raise I so deserve at work. To continue giving them the illusion that I am the best employee they could ever hope to employ, and maybe, get myself into a situation where I am happy, like truly happy with myself and my personal life. That may be with him in the picture, it may not. I don't really know.
Deep down I guess I'm always on the lookout for someone. And it is always so flattering to know that someone might be interested in you. I don't really know where we will be in a few months. The stars say that he will come. I don't know. At times, I don't even know if I'm looking forward to it.
So be it.
Perhaps not the most uplifting entry for the 1st. But hell, it went close to 40 degrees today. I'm hot, sticky and still a little flustered by today's events.
Maybe what I need to do is stay away from the net for a little while (ha! like that ever really happens), take a shower, and go and read another novel. Maybe I'll go and nap or something.
I feel.... indifferent? No, I'm a little emotional. Irritable I think. So one degree or two above indifferent. I can't be bothered thinking about what that word is right now. Discontent?
I'll have to have a think about it.
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