Complacent Butterfly
12:51 PM
You know what's really funny/ironic? THings always look so different from the other side. When you don't have any emotional investment in something, everything is ten times clearer than before. I rang up my previous ex last night to chat. I have a Christmas party tonight, and I was trying to see what my options were as to getting a safe trip home. I figured there'd be a possibility that we'd catch the same train anyway. So why be silly? we could go halfway or something. Before I could get to that request, he'd already picked up on it and offered. At the end of the conversation however he had to pull out because of work.
He just rang me back up to tell me that he got out of work, if I was still interested in the offer. Very sweet. In the meantime work has been trying to organise a cab charge for me to go home.
Being single isn't so bad. You get the chance to see who are your true friends. Who are willing to help you out in times of need. When you're in a relationship a lot of that responsibility falls on your bf/gf's shoulders. Friends aren't as likely to ask you to go out to places, because they automatically assume that the first person you will ask is your bf/gf. And not your friends. Which has some logic to it. But at the same time, it used to get me to see how my friends would distance themselves from me. Ironically when I am in a relationship, I'd like to think that my bf would choose me over their friends. Funny how things always look different on your side.
The one that I've been pining over... I wonder how we will work out. I harbour feelings for him, but I am also accepting that he may well not want me. ANd when you sit back and think about it, it seems so silly to put your hopes on someone who's not interested. I guess he has never made the big cut. And his actions never show that he's not 100% uninterested. It makes for a confusing and complex situation.
It's also funny how believing in stupid things like astrology can throw a spanner in the works. My stars for today say that the weekend looks good. Which means there's a high probability I will try to talk to him on the weekend. Because I don't want him to find someone else. Selfish, aren't I? *grin*
See, if he was as lovesick as I was, or even my previous ex was, it wouldn't matter. I could go about my daily activities as long as I knew I had the upper hand. But this time around it isn't so. I have an emotional investment that can become bankrupt at any given time. I have no security, no self-assurance. And while plenty of you may point out that this is why "love" is so exciting, beause it's such a risk, I must also point out that the emotional downfall when you do in fact become bankrupt is very disturbing for the soul. Not that everyone else doesn't ever feel the same way when a romance ends. I'm sure there are thousands of sob stories that are twenty times worse than mine. It's just that this is my story. And not yours. So I can be as dramatic as I want, and you can't do anything about it, except walk away =P
I guess what I'm trying to get at, is that I've made an obvious observation that when the shoe is on the other foot, the view is always different. As long as power sits in your hands, well, life can go about quite dandily. But it's when you're on the other side, and it's them with the power, that things start to get melancholy and unjust.
Deep down, we are all selfish creatures.
~ * ~ * ~ *~
I'm feeling ok today.
Third Eye Blind is keeping me sane.
Favourite song of the moment:
Third Eye Blind - Crystal Baller.
"Can we try and take the high road
Though we don't know where it ends
I want to be your Crystal Baller
I want to show you how it ends
...
A footnote in your dance of days,
In my mind that record still plays
Still wonder what the fuck it says
Hoping there is time
...
Can we talk about tomorrow
And the promise that it brings
"Can we try and take the high road
Though we don't know where it ends
I want to be your Crystal Baller
I want to show you how it ends
...
A footnote in your dance of days,
In my mind that record still plays
Still wonder what the fuck it says
Hoping there is time
...
Can we talk about tomorrow
And the promise that it brings
...
I wonder why the wind keeps blowing you through my mind
Try and take the high road
Remember we were friends
I want to be your Crystal Baller
I want to be your diamond ring
The one I never gave you
And the promise that it brings
Let me be your Crystal Baller
I will show you everything
I'll be your Crystal Baller"
Going to the work Christmas party tonight. Brought my contacts with me. *wicked grin* Brought my little black dress, and I'm going to have a good time.
I'm feeling good today.
=)
I wonder why the wind keeps blowing you through my mind
Try and take the high road
Remember we were friends
I want to be your Crystal Baller
I want to be your diamond ring
The one I never gave you
And the promise that it brings
Let me be your Crystal Baller
I will show you everything
I'll be your Crystal Baller"
Going to the work Christmas party tonight. Brought my contacts with me. *wicked grin* Brought my little black dress, and I'm going to have a good time.
I'm feeling good today.
=)
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 12:29 pm
2 Comments:
Yup it is strange... how life without love in the way is much simpler and in a way happier. When guys and gals can establish a platonic friendship, there's always help you can rely on. Funny isn't it?
Except of course when one of those in that platonic relationship deep down wants more, and the other one secretly wants the same but is too cautious of the realities to commit or try. But mostly it's just the one bitter party that makes life so difficult.
Like they all say, "love sucks".
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