Befuddled Butterfly
I would've sworn that I posted up a blog entry last night. But it seems that it's not here.... how strange. I would've sworn I did....Anyhow, I had told one of my work colleagues about what had happened on Sunday night. She's sort've in the same position as I am. She came in this morning and couldn't stop smiling. Apparently she took the advice that I had given her (yeh, I know, who I am to give advice?) and for her, it's the right thing to do. She slept like she hasn't slept in weeks. And now she's all bright and cheery. Whereas I am in this melancholy state trying to remind myself that I did the right thing. She laid it all out for him, told him off and basically said that she'd contact him whenever he felt like it, and left it at that.
Guess I'm better at solving other people's problems than my own. Or I've just cheated and used everyone's advice for me and given it to someone else. Or yet again I have proved how whimsical I am when it comes to my emotional problems.
Hang on - I *did* blog last night. I Remember. Specifically.
...unless.... I deleted it? ... or I didn't log out before I went to bed, and someone came on and accidently deleted it for me?
DAMN. I remember typing it up. Where the hell is it? Or is it just the net here at work has problems showing recent entries? No way.
Damn. I don't even think I have a copy of it at home.
Hrmm..
Looks like I'm going to have to go a-blog-hunting.
Oh, btw, I'm on two coffees... So if I sound a bit scatterbrained (although that happens all the time anyway), this is why.
*scratches head*
..where the hell *is* that last blog entry? From memory I'd titled it, 'Failing Butterfly'
Grrr....
I don't think I deleted it.
...did i?
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~
Ok, I just found it. Yeh, I have to remember to log out when I'm done. I don't think whatever happened was intentional. Someone on another blog somehow ended up adding to my post and publishing it. Something in spanish or something. I've deleted it now, but Grrr.... I hope I have a copy of what I wrote. Most likely not though. What a way to lose a blog. Teaches me to always log out...
Dammit.
The more I think about it, the more annoyed I'm getting. I had hoped that rereading what I'd written last night would put me at ease this morning, and give me an idea of how far or back I have progressed in thinking and dealing with this situation. But now, I'm stuck with yesterday afternoon's thoughts. THat's not good. I'm tyring to figure out if I'm going about all of this the right way. And what with the deleted post and the loss of the conversation I had with him on Sunday night, I'm sort've at a half-loss as to how to progress and move on. =S I need words to remind me where I'm at. And what with all the caffiene running through my system, I really need to be grounded. Else I'm going to be flighty about everything.
Dammit. I need to be reminded of what I was thinking and feeling last night in order to put what I was thinking about this morning into context. Who would've thought that writing things down would become such an ingrained part of my thinking processes? I swear, I better have a copy of last night's post at home sitting on my computer. I want to leave work now to go home and check. I'm actually tempted to ring home and get mum to check my computer for me. Except, last thing I need is for her to know about what's really going on in my life right now. I don't need lectures or judgements from her right now. It's bad enough that I'm having to deal with this and the schizophrenic voices in my head on a 24/7 basis, let alone have her join in the tumult.
I guess I really do need to write everything out in order to sort through what it is I think and feel. See it all set down in writing, rather htan just play around with the abstract ideas and notions of what it is I *think* I think and feel, rather than - gah. I"m blabbering. I knew I shouldn't have succumbed to the free cappucino. It was bad enough I took up that other offer of coffee. Not to mention me staying up last night to finish that novel. four hours sleep on a train and this stupid woman coughing loudly every ten seconds drove me batty this morning. If you're gonna cough, GO ELSEWHERE. DO NOT cough beside me, when it's *obvious* that I'm trying to sleep. I don't care that it's peak hour. Pick somewhere ELSE to sit yourself down and distract people with your coughing germs. DO NOT wake me form much needed sleep.
....Aaaaand i'm on a coffee rant.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 11:18 am
1 Comments:
Oh Gosh!
Hmm... Mystery of the Missing Blog... happens to me too ;oP
Well, same thing with doing so much work and forgetting to "Save"... Haha!
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