Aching Butterfly
I don't know what to do. I miss you terribly. I had a lovely day today, and we had a deep heart-to-heart. Again, you decide what will happen, and again all I can do is wait. Because deep down you don't know what you really want. You are a disturbed soul. You want me so badly, but you don't want to hurt me again. And as last time showed, when you went into something without being 100% sure, we crashed and burned. And as you said the other night, last time was not your finest hour.I don't know what to do with you. I want you so badly. I want to love you properly. You whispered to me today that you loved me. Even in my haze of tears I heard it. But I didn't acknolwedge it. You whispered it so quietly to me. I didn't have the heart to call you on it.
You asked me yourself tonight, 'what were we supposed to do?' I don't know what we're going to do. I don't want you to leave me. It doesn't help me that you can tell me through and through that you want me in your life. That's not enough for me.
This is such a horrible situation to be in. I appreciate that you can't give me a true answer until you know for certain what you can and can't give. And all I can do is be patient and wait.
But this wait is agony. And it's not even like I can make this easier on myself. I can't disrobe myself from you. I can't stop myself from caring. It's like a trainwreck. An oncoming trainwreck that I cannot walk away from.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 10:20 pm
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