Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Solitary Butterfly

All that I am is all that you’ve given me
Did you ever worry that I'd come to depend on you
I gave you all the love I had in me
Now I find you've lied and

I can't believe it's true wrapped in her arms
I see you across the street
And I can't help but wonder if she knows what's goin on
You talk of love but you don't know how it feels
When you realise that you're not the only one

Oh you better stop before you tear me all apart
You better stop before you go and break my heart
Ooh you better stop

Time after time
I've tried to walk away
But it's not that easy when you're soul is torn in two
So I just resign myself to it everyday
Now all I can do is leave it up to you

Oh you better stop before you tear me all apart
You better stop before you go and break my heart
Ooh you better stop

You better stop if you love me (you will remember)
Now's the time to be sorry
I won't believe that you'd walk out on me

Oh you better stop better stop
Ooh you better stop baby stop

Sam Browne - You'd Better Stop

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Puts a nice melancholy feel to tonight's blog. Lots of things happened today at work. Ended up being the icing on the cake, the camel that broke the straw's back, and I found myself falling apart at work. One stupid client and I end up in tears, shaken, desperately trying to hold it back like a lone fisherman trying to hold back the tide.

Letting go is harder to do than say. Harder to act than rationalise. I know I did the right thing. It was the most logical thing to do. But my heart wishes otherwise. I spent the afternoon wanting him there so I could share with him my heartache. I wanted to tell him about my day and have him know what I went through. I want him to be there when I drive all the way down to the coast this weekend. I want him to share with me that 'first' of driving on my own down an unknown road for over an hour. I would've even loved to have him in the car with me, teasing me about my inability to navigate or freaking out or bagging out the other drivers. He was always such a good friend to me. Are you honestly sure that you can't handle just being friends? I know that it's for the best that you leave me, but are you 100% positive that your life won't be all the more dull for leaving you out of it? And I'm writing in second person again.

*sigh*

I'm so lonely. Affection starved and desperately wanting someone to hold me, hug me, make me laugh, comfort me and tell me that everything's ok. My friend in Norway came online a little while ago. But even he can't cheer me up. I need Him. I need a best friend that I can go to share all my loneliness. To share all my thoughts and my ideas, and my grumbles about life and how bad work is sometimes. ANd there's no one. It doesn't even matter that the relationship would be platonic. I just need Him. Or a good substitute. And I've never come across one like him before. I hope to god that there's another of him out there. A better clone.

I don't care about the relationship right now. I just need a friendship. I'm so tempted to readd and unblock him from msn (again). Just so I can have someone to tell about my day. I'm so so so so tempted. Someone hold me back and strap me down. I'm so lonely.

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