Momentarily Butterfly
In moments of vulnerability I think of you. Do you ever still think about me? Or are you already over me?I sat on the train listening to Mirrorball yesterday, and the lyrics in Fear (one of my favourites) brought you to mind. I sit at home watching Rove and know that it is one of your favourite tv shows. And i imagine you sitting in bed watching it. And I wonder if you think of me. I sit on the train and at certain stations am reminded of you. And i wonder if you ever make your way into the city. And if you do, do I ever cross your mind? Do you ever regret leaving me? Do you ever regret choosing the thesis over me?
I'm still feeling raw about the whole thesis deal. I probably will feel raw for a while. Or at least until i bawl my eyes out properly. Being emotionally moved to tears by sarah is different to emotional moisture release to relieve the pain and angst of things beyond your control. I noted to my lunch friend yesterday that I don't want to meet or talk to anyone in my thesis class. I know that I have a chip on my shoulder. I dislike people bettering me. I dislike knowing that they did better than me. I know I have potential. But there are times it seems that that's all it is. Potential. No action. Just Potential. It doesn't really *get* me anywhere though, does it? So what's the use? Why can't i just stay in bed curled around my laptop and watch episode after episode in my box sets? Who needs all this crap anyway?
Dealing with the new boss. Trying to get the best financial deal. Even looking for bargains so that I won't kick myself after I buy a cd and find it available at half its price in the adjacent store. Making sure you don't offend people. Keeping my mouth shut when all i really want to do is speak my mind. Stop myself from idiotic impulsive behaviour like suddenly wanting to do cartwheels in the hallway at work. Or even go nuts on everyone at the communal lolly bowl and just make stupid idiotic behaviour. Not that giggling uproariously at everything that one of the guys said isn't obvious enough. I can't help it that i had too much sugar and couldn't find an outlet. And i laugh at practically everything anyway.
anyhow, I'm supposed to be sleeping.
*slaps self on hand*
I wish my Norweigen friend would come online more often. I miss talking to him. Although that's another can of worms.
Seriously though, do You ever think of me anymore? Do i cross your mind these days? Have you picked up your phone and started to msg or ring me and stopped yourself? Or have you accepted the fact that I don't want to have naything to do with you, and respected my wishes? Does it kill you? More importantly, have you broken yourself into little pieces yet like you said you would? Coz i'm like so waiting.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 1:57 am
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