Monday, November 08, 2004

Incensed Butterfly

10.47 PM
Now i'm just emotionally exhausted. And it doesn't help that I've been on coffee. It's the coffee headache combined with sleep deprivation and anger and outrage and and and....

GRRRRrrrr. I need to sleep. I have to drag myself up at 7 tomorrow to get to work. Dammit.

This head is preventing sleep from occuring. My brain feels like it's floating above my cranium. I get that feeling every time i drink coffee. I can feel it physically rising, stretching the brain stem, like someone's carefully sucking it up and out. Coffee is like alcohol to me. It reduces my self-preservation and allows me to be even more ridiculous and outrageous than usual (which is a very scary state to be in). And what with my anger and exhaustion, coffee does not do me very many favours.

ugh.

Now i just feel sick and nauseous.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Forget it. Stuff my happy mood. I just got my results back for my last essay. The essay that i liked. the essay that I was told was written well. 73 and 74 respectively (the essay gets marked twice). WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? IT DIDN'T EVEN MAKE A BLOODY DISTINCTION. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM??? IT WAS A DECENT ESSAY.

DAMMIT.
THERE WILL BE NO 2AA. it'll be a measly borderline 2B. I am so outraged. Dammit. How dare they??? What the hell is wrong with them??? *watches everything crumble away*

THis is why i didn't want my marks back. This is why i really, honestly, DO NOT WANT TO KNOW. EVER.

DAMMIT.

how dare they???? it's a bloody credit. if i find out that the other lecturer marked it based on the fact that it WASN'T a literature survey i will KILL SOMEONE. i swear he will not see the light of day. DAMMIT. DAMMIT. DAMMIT. how dare my supervisor only give it a measly 74??? what the hell is wrong with him?? how dare they? are they going to tell me that i wasn't critical enough?

you don't tell someone something, promise them that they did well that it was a good essay and then give them a measly STINGY 74. Dammit. Is this what is going to happen to my thesis???? WHY THE BLOODY HELL DID I BOTHER??? DAMMIT. DAMMIT. DAMMIT. i expected that thesis to be a distinction. COME ON. i mean, SERIOUSLY. I guess we weren't on the same page after all. So much for hoping that an academic would have the same ideas/ideals of what a 'good' mark entails. they think that a credit is like 'oh so great'. wake up and smell the laser printer ink. A credit is CRAP. I want a distinction dammit. have i been that good at hiding my true academic desires that you think i would be happy with a measly credit???

DAMN YOU.

DAMMIT~~~~~~

*stomps floor*

i have to leave to pick up my brother. I'm going to be flooring it all the way. DAMMIT.

i swear, i'm SO ANGRY.

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