Disclosing Butterfly
I originally started blogging to get rid of all the emotional angst that was culminating in my brain. My intention was to clear some space and sort out all the constant obsessing that seems to be such a normal part of my emotional mentality. And in many ways this blogging has been beneficial, if only so I can lessen the burden on my friends who have so gotten sick of hearing about Him and all the itty bitty details that seem to be so important to the love lorn and scorned.However, I have noticed a particular side effect with blogging. I was having lunch with a friend today, and even though we are friends, I have a tendency to hold my thoughts towards him a little if only because he can get on my nerves sometimes. we can never have an idiotic conversation. everything that we ever talk about MUST go through philosophical turnings. mentions of Derrida, etc etc etc. it gets so tiring constantly having to 'switch on' the brain. =P
But yeh, today I found myself disclosing feelings that i suddenly had to try and tone down. I'm still unhappy about yesterday, but i'm dealing with it. if only by doing what i seem to do with everything. roll it up and shove it into the closet. but for a while when he was asking me how i was going, what were my thoughts on the thesis, etc etc, i found myself telling him i was depressed and unhappy, etc etc. and it surprised me that all these emotions and the desire to express these emotions suddenly seemed so close to the surface and so willing to be 'outed' to the world. It's a side-effect that I wasn't prepared for. I guess the solution is to stay away from people who don't know me well or who i'm unwilling to disclose to. Otherwise I'm going to be scaring them with my life story and ramblings of my inner psyche whether they want to hear it or not.
*rueful smile*
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 10:48 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home