Assuming Butterfly
Expectations. I hate them. Foolishness. I hate that too. Patronising attitudes. Detest them. Why do people constantly do it? Is it because I give off some vibe that says 'I am so gullible?' or is it because I somehow internally assume or take on a subservient role? And then I hate it when people take it for granted and just assume.My old boss once said 'assumption is the root of all evil' and I agree. Yet somehow it doesn't stop all of us from assuming. We have to I guess in an attempt to sort things out and understand life. Sometimes human interaction and communication can be so complicated. You don’t want to offend people. Well at least most tend not to want to. And yet you want to stand up for your own beliefs. It makes for so complex maneuvering sometimes. [insert entire work life/office politics here]
Whenever I meet new people I notice that I tend to try and be as pleasing as I can. Thinking back on everything, that may well be why things once backfired the way they did. He hasn't been crowding my thoughts lately as much as they used to. Which is a good thing.
It seems my own recognition that I probably tried to be too much of what he wanted and not enough of what I really was warred together to create huge misunderstandings that led to us missing signals. He thought he knew what it was I needed and recognized that it was not what he could give me. Meanwhile I was hiding behind the bushes hoping that he would give me what I *really* wanted (which was something that I had no clue about).
Sometimes I just wish I wasn't as weak willed and more strong-minded. I know I can be. I know that in the big scheme of things I can roll with the punches. But it seems that I hold grudges. It seems that I have a few fatal flaws, and it seems I can do nothing about them. I don't want to face those inner demons. It's too emotionally draining. I think based on a lot of things, I am terrified about change. And of course, me like everyone else just hates the idea of being wrong.
It seems all I can do is pack it all up and put it in a cupboard and try and deal with it some other day. Cowardly. But necessary.
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 11:27 am
2 Comments:
Worse. I'm a Gemini.
i am not sure about "assumption being the root of all evil" as the version i know of is "assumption is the mother of all screw-ups". ;P
i admit that human relations are complicated and sometimes you just don't know how best to communicate or behave. i'm still in the process of learning...
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