Varied Butterfly
Today's turning out alright. *fingers crossed* I managed to do some work today and have already done one edit sweep of the thesis. Mind you, the day isn't done yet - so who knows... it could all go downhill after I post up on this blog!I'm thinking that part of the reason why I'm doing ok today as opposed to yesterday is due to the amount of sleep I've had. I slept in today until around midday. 7 hours, as opposed to the 9 I had yesterday. well, ok, maybe it's not sleep hours then. Maybe it was me coming down from the adrenalin rush that I ran on all of Thursday, that made me so tired and 'blah' yesterday.
Every time I see my supervisor and he asks me if i'm ok, i put on a brave front and tell him that I'm fine. And when he asks me if it'll be ok, I tell that it has to be ok, and I will write, because i don't have a choice. I lie and cheat and do whatever, so that he will believe me. i guess it doesn't help my cause in the end, because i'm only setting myself up for the fall. And when i reread the emails I send him, they all seem so cheery and upbeat. I don't think he knows me well enough to see through the facade.
I guess facades are good in their own way. For me at least, if i put up that front, the false bravado, in some form or fashion, I will try and meet those criteria, because i made them trust me, right? Seems kind've silly to set up this illusion and then not even try to fulfill it.
So yeh, i think the amount of sleep i had today as opposed to forcing myself to wake up at 9, has contributed to my working today. I'm on my second edit sweep right now, going through the nitty gritty sentence structure and example points that i didn't feel like working on, on the first edit sweep. Yes, talking about technical writing details in a writing assignment is only fascinating to the writer. Nobody else could care less. lol.
What i'm actually trying to get at here, is that my eyes feel funny. As opposed to that grey partition that i had earlier, right now, it seems like my eye balls are stuck on another grey partition. sounds disgusting and quite sick. oh, wait, i have a better image. It's like my frontal lobe is separated from the rest of my brain, in the nicest possible sense, in that i'm still alert, but my frontal lobe, uh.. isn't. Basically i think it just means that my eyes are tired. *grin* yes, i know, i could've just said that to begin with. blah blah blah.
Well now that i've checked into the self-help system (blogging), and made sure that i'm relatively sane, I guess i should go back out there and continue the second edit sweep - which is taking mighty longer than i expected/intended, because i feel a little more boisterous and hopeful (which leads to more ways to let go and procrastinate) now that I've gone through one edit already.
If only I could find some way to shrink 17,000 words to 15,000 though. Now that would be the rub! Actually, there is one thing that gets me slightly apprehensive. My supervisor is going through my chapter four today.... I don't know if i'm ready to hear the defeatist criticism that is sure to come. I tried reading what i wrote yesterday, this afternoon, and got sick of it.
I don't understand. It's so strange to see how the entire thesis, well 3/4 of it anyway, can be ok for me to re-edit, but rewriting the final chapter can get me so down and depressed. Guess it's that whole fear theorem all over again.
Man, I feel like the next 3 days will be filled with blogs as boring as this one. lol. word of warning to all and any who read this. It's just going to be boring thesis stuff for the next 3 days. No juicy love angst, unless *someone* plans to message me and put me in a spin. Although, me being sadistic me, is still hoping i'll crash into him on wednesday when we hand in the thesis. I bet he's ready to be friends etc. bah...
oh dear, it's so easy for me to jump back on the relationship bashing train. LOL. guess it's not as over as i'd like to think. that or i really never do get over things =S
ok, stop 'resting'... go back to work. *sigh*
..i wonder if should get myself another muesli bar or something to snack on...
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 10:27 pm
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