Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Antsy Butterfly

To be honest, I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. It seems that every single social event that I am being invited to lately, I have to turn down. Every social event that I plan and/or organise, I have to cancel. Why? because of this stupid assignment. Because of my stupid academic crap.

I didn't go to the careers conference on saturday (even though it was free for members) because I felt guilty leaving the house. And then I spent the entire day wasting it by chatting to my best friend online.

I cancelled my lunch with my proofreader friend last Thursday because I felt guilty about not having enough time to do work. and then spent the day reading fanfiction.

I've been looking forward to this dinner on Wednesday for over a month. 1. because it's a night out. 2. because i might see him there. and now it looks like there's a high chance I might cancel because of this stupid essay. not to mention the fact that I'm seriously in major trouble here. truly dying as we speak. Blood in the water. I'm a dead floater and there's nothing you or I can do about it.

I'm so tired. I don't know why. I went to bed at 2.30 last night after procrastinating by taking lots of photos on my digital camera. I did get around to doing some reading before I went to bed. But i promised my supervisor a copy of my next draft today. can't do that if I don't write. there have been no changes to the stupid essay since yesterday.

*pulls out hair*

why can't i go to one single social event? why is my life being haunted by academic pieces of writing? why can't i just go out and have fun? why does my conscience play such tricks on me? why can't i just flop over the finish line? who says i have to do well? who cares about honours anyway?

gahhhhh...

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I just want a nice fun night out on the town. THAT'S ALL. i just want someone to care. I want my friends to ring me up and drag me out. I want them to make me a part of their lives. is that too much to ask??? I just want to go out. I want to see more than the 4 walls in my room and the wallpaper in my house. I want someone other than my supervisor and my ex to ring me up or msg me. I want a LIFE. is that too much to ask?????

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