Saturday, September 25, 2004

Trainwreck Butterfly

The phrase, 'it's like watching a trainwreck," where it's something that you don't want to watch, but you feel compelled to watch anyway seems to perfectly describe the painful procedure of thesis writing that i am experiencing on this round of chapter writing.

I've been watching myself for the last two days procrastinate, go out, blog, drive, download music... doing everything but write. and i can't afford to do it. tonight's the last deadline for this chapter. i HAVE to write a decent chapter 4 tomorrow. my supervisor EXPECTS the next chapter (4) by wednesday latest. then i have THIRTEEN days to rewrite the entire thing and make it decent.

O. M. G.

what the *hell* am i thinking?!?!

there's like no reason not to do this stupid essay except for pure laziness. i've already blogged all the immediate emotional issues that have been burdening me the last few days. everything else is pretty ordinary. i'm tired... had an argument with my ex on the phone last night (don't go there...) so i ended up going to pretty bed late - again. not that i would've done much staying online either.

oh, there's another class dinner to look forward to when the thesis is over. i'm trying to get the organise to make it a wednesday night instead of a thursday night. i know he's busy on wednesday nights. ;) smart thinking butterfly - yes! and do i really want to have to go through that painful trauma experience all over again? it's a 3 course dinner, with dancing facilities. *gulp* yeh.. i would prefer not to have him on the dance floor. it's hard to give someone a cold shoulder when you're being nice and having fun with everyone else.

let's not lie to myself though. knowing that there is a dinner where i can see him again in the next few weeks is not what's stopping me from writing.

just write the god damn thing and be done with it! who would've thought that a straight forward chapter would be SO HARD to write?? or am i just getting ahead of myself??

GRRrrr...

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