Ranting Butterfly
I meant to write a blog today explaining my earlier blog about emotional issues. some things happened last night that have made me do some soul searching and emotional unpacking (like that doesn't happen on a daily basis anyway). but circumstances have changed. I just got an email from one of my lecturers. And since you and i are no longer, and i have no one to rant to over the unfair inconsistencies in university assignments worth ungodly amounts of percentages that contribute to thesis marks, i shall rant on this blog instead.it is absolutely ridiculous to think that we have any idea what's going on in regards this latest assignment. My thesis is due on October 13. Following this thesis there will be another essay due a week or two later. i had originally assumed that that essay would be written based on where my thesis sits in relation to the subject at large. However my lecturer has written us all to tell us that in fact, it is supposed to be an extended and expanded version of the literature survey that we were required to do earlier in the year.
herein lies the problem. it is unfair to give us assignments where not only do the students, but also those lecturers marking do not know what the thrust of the assignment is about. no one in their right mind knows exactly what a literature survey is. for those of us who have high ambitions of getting a first class honours thesis, our hopes were dashed early on in when our marks came back for our first assignment - a 3000 literature survey. i personally was criticised for
1. not writing a literature survey (whatever that is)
and
2. not being critical enough.
the issue for me though, was simply that my supervisor had looked at my drafts and gave me the go ahead, telling me the way i was going was fine. i.e i was given two different sets of instructions. and when my lecturer marked my literature survey i was penalised.
the bad side of that story was that it ruined any chances of me getting first class honours, and also gave me a breakdown of sorts which led me to question why i had bothered doing honours in the first place. i had had such high hopes for doing well - the last bastion before i went 'out there' into the workforce. it seemed to defeat the purpose of me doing anything of this calibre if i was going to be criticised for doing something that i was told specifically to do, not to mention the fact that they were basically playing with us, by dashing all our hopes of ever receiving a first class honours award because the lecturer doesn't have a *clue* what he is actually assigning us to do, not to mention the fact that he hasn't briefed the markers properly either. and i wasn't the only one to suffer at the hands of that literature survey. i know that you suffered a lot more, what with your supervisor marking you even lower than your second marker. there were horror stories all around the class with that literature survey.
so after that controversial 'literature survey' you can understand why i am spitting chips at having to discover that i have to do a more 'in-depth' literature survey as my final assignment - worth 60%. i already stuffed up my last 60% essay due to other stupid markers who told me that my writing sucked and that it was decent for undergraduate writing, but was pretty beyond the pale for honours writing (i got a pass). keep in mind that i received a 90% for a seminar paper worth 30% earlier in the year. so go figure. talk about highs and lows. mind you, the marker who gave me the pass came back a week later to tell us that he changed his mind, and that i deserved better than a pass after all. thanks buddy.... not to ruin the morale of honours students or stop us from being motivated to write or anything.... don't want to give us a writing complex or make us question the credibility of the tertiary institution that we're attending...
but seriously... i'm running along at a fairly moderate pace with my thesis right now. personally considering the emotional state that i have been in for the last three weeks, i'm actually pretty proud of myself that i have managed to get *anything* done. which effectively flies in the face of You who can't even write your introduction. it may simply be that you're procrastinating and you haven't done enough of your research. but personally i choose to believe that you are berating yourself over me and can't function properly without my unwavering emotional support and friendliness towards you. may you suffer ten times what i have gone through the last three weeks. may you die a horrible emotional death and may no one ever love you. you don't deserve to be loved if this is the way you treat a girl who has pledged her undying love to you, and practically handed herself to you on a platter. yes, i am bitter. deal with it.
*Shakes head*
back to my ranting though. i'm still so incensed. what on earth does my lecturer expect me to do??? this thesis is bad enough. but the stress that will accumulate after i start working on that final essay could well kill me. i'm hoping that i can still do reasonably well on my thesis and the degree in general. i'm gunning for a 2AA (a distinction), or B, however you understand it. basically second to first. i can live with that because apparently it's still looked on as a good thing. i.e. the pay rate for a first class and second class isn't that much different. it's only if i want a phd scholarship that first class really matters. well, that and the whole thrill of getting 'first class'. but yeh, like i said earlier, like that's really going to happen to any of us. *mutters* stupid inconsiderate unorganised lecturers. screw us around. i hate being guinea pigs for teaching programs. all we get is screwed around. it's us that suffer. for those who are in charge of organising everything, it's just a 'steep learning curve' and an example of how they can do better 'next time.'
bah....
i mean, it's just absolutely ridiculous! this assignment is an absolute joke. i'd march up to his door and start raving at him, except that it wouldn't do anything other than confirm that i am a certified lunatic. it's bad enough that they think that already, without having it confirmed. and i'm not about ready to burn all my academic bridges yet... graduation is in april. i still want them smiling in my photos. =P lol.
bah....
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 7:45 pm
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