Lonely Butterfly
I think i have been writing too much. (thesis writing). all i feel right now is that i have no life. i no longer have someone who i can ring up on a whim to talk to. no more long late night calls... no more someone to spend time with. no more someone to brighten up my day, and in some sad form, as much as i hate to say it, validate my existence.*shakes head*
maybe i just need to go out more. i know, cliche of the century - or two. it's just, i look at my life... once this thesis is over in october/november, what happens then? i go to work. day in, day out. and that's it. and in between all that, all i have for 'kicks' or 'entertainment' you know, the 'little things in life' might well be god forbid, just this blog. *gulp* what a horrible thought.
all my friends have their own lives.
..and i have no one.
on one hand i guess i could argue that i have to find out who i am, and what that means... and enjoy myself etc etc. but at the same time, that thrill of having someone who is actually interested in you, in your day, and what life means to you, that thrill isn't there. it's gone.
..and then i suddenly feel so lonely.
To have no one...
*sigh*
i've been thinking today about you... and your choices in life, and what you think of our situation. i think that my actions last thursday probably reinforced to you that you can't have me ever, and that you've stuffed up. i'll admit that i don't know you well enough to know that if given the chance you would ever come after me. but to be honest... 1. i don't think you will, and 2. as i keep on being reminded by people, do i really want you? like, honestly, the type of person that you represent through the actions that you've done... do i really want you? or is it just because you won't let me have you? and because things had only just begun?
i'm too tired to think about this more in depth. the sleepy headache is pounding again.
*sigh*
posted by Enigmatic Butterfly @ 1:06 am
2 Comments:
Hi and first of all, thanX for ur comments!
It is a real screwed up feeling of having to devote time to writing thesis. One time i was experiencing the same loneliness and all i did was just to put everything into my work and books. But after that period was over, things just naturally worked its way out.
Look for the rainbow after the rain... Happy blogging!
=)
thanks for the encouraging comments.
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