Gnashing Butterfly
GRRrr..WHY AM I EVEN THINKING ABOUT THIS? WHY IS MY HEAD SO MESSED UP?? I *DON'T* LOVE HIM.. IT'S ALL JUST DEPSERATION AND HUMAN HORMONAL CRAP THAT TELLS ME THAT I CAN'T BE DUMPED AND THAT I NEED TO FEEL WANTED AND LOVED. EVEN THOUGH HE HASN'T TREATED ME WELL AT ALL..
*STUFF IT* stuff it.. stuff it.. stuff it..
GRRRrrrrr... it doesn't matter.
it shouldn't matter what he thinks or feels. i don't need him. i CAN BE my own person. whoever it is that i end up with, i need and want them to want and need me the same way. i want them to be independent and strong. but i also want that window, that key to their inner selves. i want them to open up.. i want them to constantly want and value my opinions, my thoughts, my time and my attention. he doesn't need me. all he wants and needs are his friends.
REMEMBER THAT. ALL HE WANTS AND NEEDS ARE HIS FRIENDS.
he's just selfish. so selfish. selfish. selfish. selfish. i don't want him to care about me. i want him to love me. there's a distinct difference. he told me once that he didn't know what he wanted. nothing can be fixed or solved until he knows for certian what he wants. and you know that the chances that what he wants will be me are virtually slim to non-existent. so why bother staying?? dismiss him out of mind and move on. live your life. do your thesis. work, graduate.. and maybe, one day move to norway. LOL
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