Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Bitter Butterfly

I just came across a song....

Why (Are We Still Friends) -- 98 Degrees.

We do almost everything that lovers do
And that's why it's hard, just to be friends with you
Every time your heart is broken by the fool
I want you to know that it hurts me too
It's hard to wipe your tears away (tears away)
Knowing that you should be with me
Now tell me why

[CHORUS:]
Why – why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than we are
And tell me why every time I find
Someone that I like
We always end up just being friends (Just Being Friends)

I would hate for you to find somebody new
Who you really love, cause it would mean losing you
But am I a fool girl not to say
If I'm always scared I'll lose you anyway
Somehow somewhere I've got to choose (got to choose)
No matter if it's win or loseNow tell me why

I don't wanna be like your brother
I don't wanna be your best friend
I only wanna be your lover
When will this end
If I told you that I wanna be in your life
Then you could be the woman in mine

It reminds me of a situation I was in, not six months ago... the only difference is that I'm on the other side of that song. what gets me is that you won that song. I did in some sense become the 'woman in your life' ... until the day you changed your mind. The irony is that even you don't know when things changed. You can't pinpoint what went wrong in the chemical imbalances in your brain that went from like, to love, to 'don't want.' I guess if you don't know what you want, and I've given you everything you ever wanted...

And through it all, I've tried to be the bigger person. To the point where even I'm starting to lose respect for myself. It's verging on ridiculous how much I've let you get away with. No more. Believe in thyself.

I moved heaven and earth to be with you. ...and you decided that it was best that we no longer continued. You did all this stuff to make me fall in love with you. And then once you get me, you discard me. You knew what you were getting into, and you did it anyway. You'd think that in your request, you'd know what you were asking for. And you said so yourself, that I did nothing wrong. That it was all you....

You're so cruel. It doesn't matter whether or not it was intentional. What matters is that you did it. And now ... *Sigh*

..can you blame me for being bitter?
What's the point of trusting someone if they go and betray you?
You played me. You betrayed my trust. You don't want me. And I still don't have the courage to ring you up and scream at you. I don't really have the right to do anything with you anymore. Ring, talk, meet, kiss, see....

Why am i even so hung up on you? I've made three entries today. And my work hasn't progressed further than 30 articles, out of a potential, say.. 300. QUIT HOGGING MY LIFE!

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